Death and Taxes and Detroit Bureaucracy

They say the only thing you can count on is death and taxes. But, if you live in the D, you can add bureaucracy that short list. You can definitely count on that.

So, my continuing battle over the assessed value of this house continues into the summer months. What else is new? It’s the D, after all, the epitome of hurry up and wait. I’ve been downtown so much over the last year or so the parking lot attendant recognizes me as I pull into the Greek Town parking lot. Pretty soon they may assign me a permanent parking spot with a sign that reads “Reserved for the fool who thinks he can actually get something accomplished with Detroit”.

Back in March I learned of a property tax exemption if you’re dirt poor and, luckily, I happen to be poorer than dirt so I figured this should be a breeze. I mean, if I can’t get them to assess the place right, maybe I’ll just get an exemption from paying the taxes going forward, take what I didn’t pay on them and apply it to the back taxes while I continue my effort to get them to see how wrong they are about how much they think this place is worth.

Right?

Right?

What the hell was I thinking?! This is the D, dude. Nothing here is a breeze. Nothing here makes any sense at all!

The summer solstice is upon us, I’ve been to the assessors office 6 bloody times so far and – you guessed it – the form they promised each and every time has yet to arrive. Why isn’t the bloody form available there, you might ask? Well, that’s easy to answer. Having the form there would make sense. This is The D. Which, if you haven’t noticed, actually stands for Dysfunctional. Maybe they should change the name of this town? Welcome to the City of Dysfunction. Rest assured we will make your stay as difficult as humanly possible.

I’m about ready to give this up. Drive downtown, pay 5 bucks to park, walk bloody 10 blocks to Coleman Young, get all but strip searched to get into the place, head up to the 8th floor, wait wait wait wait wait wait, go away with nothing. It’s a bloody pain in the nether regions.

Oh, and happy birthday to my sister.

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