Repurposing Lawyer Jokes

Back in my working days I used to collect lawyer jokes. Seemed an appropriate thing to do as I spent nearly 30 years working around them and developed an intense dislike for 90+% of them. Which isn’t to say there weren’t really good ones. I met quite a few during my years at the California Appellate Project.

Being retired now and watching this Trumpian clusterfuck unfold day after day, with the Republicans fawning over him and kissing his ring while the Democrats run about like decapitated chickens without a clue I’ve decided to repurpose some of my lawyer jokes into politician jokes. It’s just the right thing to do.

What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead politician in the road? There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

What is 500 politicians at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.

Why are politicians never bitten by snakes? Professional courtesy.

And here is one of my all time favorites.

A man walks into a Chinatown junk store in San Francisco. He spends time rummaging through dusty old shelves overflowing with discarded junk. Just as he was about to leave he comes across a bronze statue of a rat. He pulls the rat from the shelf and approaches the old man behind the counter.

“How much for the rat,” he asks.
“The rat is not for sale,” answers the old man.
“What do you mean the rat is not for sale?”
“It is said the rat has magical powers,” replies the old man. “I can tell you the story of it’s powers if you wish.”
“I care nothing for you magical mumbo-jumbo,” says the man. “I’ll give you 100 dollars for it.”
“Sold,” said the old man.

The man takes his bronze rat and leaves the store. As he makes his way back to his office, he notices a strange thing. Rats are coming up out of the sewers, streaming from trash strewn alleyways. And they are following him. And the number of them are increasing with every block he walks. Fearful, he begins to run as more and more rats appear. Finally, in fear and desperation, he runs to the bay and tosses the bronze rat as far as he can into the dark water. Without hesitation the rats follow and they all drown.

Shaken, the man returns to the Chinatown junk shop. The old man smiles when he sees the man enter.

“So,” the old man says, “have you come to hear the story of the bronze rat?”
“No,” says the man. “I want to know if you have any bronze politicians.”

Feel free to add your own in the comments.

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