Okay, I know this is selfish of me and even puts me in the questionable role of ‘pusher man’ but I want to get my dogs addicted to drugs, specifically the drug with the street name Coffee.
Why, you might ask. Why would I want to do this despicable thing?
Well, when I wake up in the morning, the dogs are still asleep – usually laying all over me. Which, if you think about it and consider that their combined weight is in excess of 200 pounds, makes for considerable aerobic exercise just trying to free myself. But I digress.
The spark of life has only enough oomph upon waking to get you out of bed and to the kitchen. Flagging rapidly, it still has enough oomph for you to gather the water, turn on the stove or switch on the electric pot and scoop the coffee (grind the beans if that’s your thing). At that point it pretty much poops out as you wait, trying desperately to will the water to boil.
Side bar here: A little known fact about kitchen counters is they are at the height they are to make leaning on them reasonably comfortable so you don’t collapse to the floor while waiting for the water to boil.
Anyway, back to the dogs. Dogs are not into coffee. Their spark of life upon waking is full tilt boogie. They want to chase their tails, run from room to room, jump on you, drag you outside to play (and pee, of course). These behaviors are not compatible with you clutching the kitchen counter praying to the god of boiling things.
But, if the dogs were addicted to caffeine, they too would stumble out of bed, crawl to the kitchen, pensively watch as you made the preparations (and likely nip you if you tarry in this task, impatience being a symptom of low caffeine levels) and would wait nervously along side you, praying in their own way to the god of boiling things.
Okay, gotta go, the dogs are dragging me out the ………